ArtOfMattEldritch

Hello everyone,

I've been having some trouble with anger management recently. Its been suggested to me by my girlfriend, Becky, to try to make more ways of expressing my frustrations and anger on to something else other than holding it all in and causing me stress and pain. Its been building up in me for a long time, I have more and more anger coming into me from stupid family shit, when electronic stuff doesn't work when I want it to, more and more it feels like I just want to scream and hurt myself. I'm setting up another appoinment with my therapist next month, even though she kinda pissed me off when we discussed it. It felt like we were going around in circles about how to deal with my parents; I don't really trust them due to them overreacting whenver I tell them something unpleasant, my therapist says its because I keep telling them the wrong way (she suggested I tell them something in a note so they could fathom it at their own pace, I counter that they might ignore that and flip out at me) and thats how it went. Becky told me not to give up on her (she's experienced an awful therapist so mine sounds far better) so I'll take her encouragement. I think Becky has the right idea, but I hope this doesn't go as bad as last time.

I finished up watching the first season of 13 Reasons Why and it is one of THE worst television shows I have ever seen in my entire life. Its emotionally manuiplative garbage that says absolutely nothing about suicide prevention, but pretends it does and will pat itself on the back for it. Its really like how 50 Shades is an insult to healty BDSM relationships, this trite is awful to the idea of suicide prevention. It gives off no ability to juggle in such serious topics of rape, sucide, substance abuse and mental health and just drops them all on the floor, leaving the viewer to pick up all the pieces they couldn't be bothered to tidy. That particular fact is quite damming, since the show does nothing to talk about how mental health affects people; Hell, the main character suffers from vivid auditory and visual hallucinations (possibly schizophrenia) that are brought out more and more by these damn tapes but that never gets elaborated upon, nor does Hannah's depression (as stated in the half hour after show special). This show is as realistic as an multi-episode story arc of a CSI episode where the suicide of a young woman is treated as a case that will be neatly wrapped up in a bow instead of how messy and unconclusive it is in real life. To stop monologing, avoid this series at all costs.

I've been trying to spend less money on comics from comixology the past month and its gone really well, though I spent a bit too much recently on this big sale (I'm only going to buy comics towards the end of the month, that's when I get paid). But its not as hard as I thought it would be and I'm happy for it. 

My birthday is in just a few weeks and my mom got her schedule switched around so she won't have to work late that night, which makes me happy since we can have dinner with her. I was thinking maybe a meatloaf dinner or hamburger macaroni, IDK.

   Hello again, everyone.

  First off, some artwork updates. So far only one item on my list has been crossed out (my Character Design Challenge entry) which is unfortunate, so I gotta try to do two this month (possibly three, I wish to partake in CDC once a month from now on). Specifically, the gift for Becky and the public domain character redesign. has graciously allowed me to use one of their public domain characters. I've picked the character, but I'm keeping it a surprise

   Progess has been slow on the second item. We've been having many...fluctuations in our relationship, it's all I'm wanting to say in this matter. But, I owe her this too long belated present. 

   The previous paragraph also brought up my memory of a recent Game of Thrones episode I watched (season one, episode five, to be precise) where Brandon Stark thought the Lannister's offical motto was "A Lannister Always Repays Their Debts". I'm enjoying the show so far and I find it quite enjoyable. That episode also had the appearance of Mother Stark's deranged sister and her clearly too old to still be breastfeeding son (whose name, like everyone else on this show, I forget so I'm just gonna call him Harpo). It was really creepy when Harpo wanted Tyrion to "fly" so I'm guessing he wants to kill Tyrion by flinging him off the cliff outside of the dungeons. Since I know he's still alive, I'm wondering how he and Mama Stark are gonna escape. 

   In real life news, my mom started her new job this week at the local hotel. Its been taxing on her to learn so many new things after being laid off for so long and adding to how she works the night shift, its pretty tiring. I'm really scared how she says she doesn't know if she'll be able to learn all the stuff in time or not. 

   The people at the Inclusive Employment have not really called me back to set up an appointment yet. Its like I constantly keep not being put into the system, which is annoying as hell. I hate to insult them, but its coming across like they're pretty incompetent. They don't even know for sure who I had my appointment with the last time. I had no recollection of who it was, but you'd think they'd keep track of who had appointments with whom. I might seek the help of my case worker to see if we can sort this whole mess out.

   
   

   Hello everyone, how are you?
  
   I've been doing alright. I've been going to these autism support group meetings on tuesday nights and I couldn't love it more if I tried. Everyone's so cool there and we have lots of fun playing games, joking around or talking about stuff like pop culture. They also have lunches Wednesday afternoons that I went to this week, we had sweet and sour chicken with rice. Next week they're having pizza so I'm totally going to that! And on monday I have an appointment with the Inclusive Employment people so I can find another job or some volunteer work to do. I'm hoping it goes well.

   Here's what's on my to-do list for this year;

• fanart
• Meet the Artist - Finished!
• Ibrahim Helsing Rouges Gallery #2
• More drawings of my book characters
• More nude drawings of my book characters
• Steven Universe/MST3K mash up
• Multiversity Drawings: (In progress)
• Earth 5 (Reimagined Captain Marvel Universe): Bulleteer
• Earth 10 (Nazi Universe): Plastic Man
• Earth 13 (Horror Universe): Starfire (Vampirella homage)
• Earth 19 (1900 Universe): The Beast-Boy of Afrika
• Earth 20 (Pulp Heroes Universe): Artemys of Bana-Mighdall
• Earth 47 (60s Universe): Robbie Reed
• 's Off Saving the World fanart
• 's Dumbing of Age fanart
• Dick Grayson memoires book cover, reimagining of Dick Grayson's life as Robin the Boy Wonder
• Turn of the Centrury Turtles, reimagining of the TMNT in Victorian/Edwardian Britain
• Super special Becky Drawing  for the greastest girlfriend in the whole wide world, Becky!
• Redesigns of Public Domain Superhero/PD Supervillain
• Redesigns of DC/Marvel characters

   I hoping I can do at least one of these once a month, whichever one I can gain the most inspiration for. Its quite the struggle, my effort in writing my horror novel is pretty much depleated. I hate that, so very much. 

   Me and my dad are having a second watch of the netflix original series, A Series of Unfortunate Events. Its a great show, with good dark humour. I plan on singing the season finale's song for the final portion of my final season two episode of the Walking Dead. 

   I also made another episode of my let's play series, the fourth in my walkthrough of the cult classic Psychonauts. 





 badge provided by the great

Well, I had my first panic attack yesterday. Or at least, I think that's what it was. 

It felt like there was some sort of energy wanting to burst out of my chest, I couldn't settle down. It felt like I was being watched and shouted at by someone close and far away. My throat getting sore so I kept coughing and coughing. My arms were not settling down, them and my hands felt like they needed to do something or type something. It felt like my mind was breaking, somehow knowing something bad was going to happen and being like this was the only way to stop it. I just wanted to be normal again, it was a miserable experience. My mom's calling in a doctor's appointment for me on Monday to see if my doctor will help me. I don't know if it was triggered by my frustrations with my lack of progress on my latest photoshop work and my novel but I don't think ruling them out will be sufficent. Luckily my best friend/little sister was able to talk me down and help me get back to normal.

I met my new therapist last month and it went really well, but my folder is in the office that's currently locked due to the mental health unit of the hospital being closed off to repair the massive flooding, so it wasn't really as good as I was expecting. She wasn't really too interested in reading my comics either, which is a shame since it helped me connect with my last therapist before her retirement. It sucks, but I hope to get over it. I also have a meeting with this autistic expert woman about getting more involved in the community and independent living, me and my mom are meeting her at the Tim Hortin's downtown (its a combo Tim's and Wendy's and it used to be a train station back around the '70s).

I'm also off my holiday hiatus and have made a new episode of my Walking Dead playthrough. I think this is the best title card I've made yet.